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Today was a good day. My aunt, uncle and cousin joined my oldest sister, my mom and myself for dinner here in my parents house. It was a great dinner and good time with family that I do not see very often.

My other sister, her partner and my nieces join us tomorrow.

This Christmas is exactly like the rest of the year has been: a perfectly balanced struggle; a mixed bag. I feel consistently content to accept the bad for the good that comes my way, even if I continue to struggle to make things better in my life.

I slept through this morning’s visit to see my dad. I am still surprised I wasn’t woken up to join them. I will go tomorrow, and I saw him yesterday. He is standing with assistance three or four times during his daily therapy session. He still only has one knee. He has infections in the leg with an empty socket, which is in a cast. He has MRSA, although my mother has elected to not tell him the nature of the infection. You see, my dad worries about things in very unproductive ways. I panicked a bit when she tell me as we headed out to see him yesterday. It isn’t exactly something I wish to be exposed to considering my health history. She assured me it was contained. The infected knee is in a cast. Even though the cast is cut to allow access to the wound, it is solidly bandaged.

It is strange not having him here. I am sleeping in his room. The room that was added on to become a spa room, that they later repurposed for my dad. My mom was smart; she always is. She planned ahead years ago and installed a shower with a bench, to allow for his ailing health. His bed is a hospital bed. In fact, it is the same exact style of bed that I slept in during my chemo cycles. Don’t think that escapes me each and every time that I sleep in it. It isn’t neccessarily sad or overwhelming, but it is absolutely weird.

I didn’t want to make this a maudelin post, but it is difficult to avoid. I would at least like to convey that it is mixed. I am happy to be home. I am happy to spend time with my family. I accept our current state and the events about to rearrange how we see each other, but it is weird for me.

This was originally going to be a style post. This is the only image I have tonight, my battery is recharging. My cousin brought along some knitting, I sat on the floor by her seat and sewed on buttons. Yes, buttons. I brought along a couple small projects that I could never get to in the studio. The buttons are for all the many pairs of braces I have been acquiring from the DAV. Having seen the option recently, I decided to sew most of them on the outside of the waistband. I have collected some excellent buttons from finds at the DAV and I simply didn’t want to hide them all inside the trousers. Most of the buttons for the braces came from suit coats, so matching smaller buttons were available to replace any pocket buttons. Yes, matchy-matchy! LOL

I also raided some of my mother’s old buttons and thread spools. She has some of the stuff from both grandmother’s sewing tins. She had no problem with letting any of them go. I mean wooden thread spools… I also found some left-over upholstery buttons from past projects of hers; an entire set of leather buttons, of a size that would be perfect for a sport coat and I think also a vest…

I have been slowing down the volume of my purchasing at the DAV. Now I am looking to details: pairing up separate pieces to make custom ensembles, parcing down the collections, trimming out and altering some pieces, detailing them. Buttons seem a big part of this. I want jacket, vest, shirts, trousers to be – not perfectly matched – perfectly coordinated. At least for some things… We shall see.

It seems odd that I can hold these two things simultaneously in my head – my dad’s condition and my pending clothing projects – but it seems a perfect example of the normal functioning processes of my brain.

I do hope everyone reading this had an enjoyable holiday.