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welcome to the hole
Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.
This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.
If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.
08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.
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Protected: zomgs! shoes!
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gst – and crap that I’ve been hoarding
I’ve been hoarding; holding onto crap that I should let go, on multiple levels.My mind won’t let go of stuff I wish to share here, my body is snatching up extra pounds no matter what I shift. The studio is heaping up with clothing and textiles like nobody’s business.
It is time to purge.
First, the green shirt for Thursday: it’s a Tommy Bahama one hundred percent silk shirt I found while cheating on the DAV the other day over in the Waldo neighborhood. It was incredibly crumpled; ironing only removed most of it. The shirt is truly beautiful: the texture is enticing to the touch, the colors are soothing to my eye and the pattern is engaging. Not bad for a couple bucks. There are some faint spots on one shoulder and sleeve. I shall see if they come out…
Next, added weight: my extra five pounds of six months ago become ten a few months back and has recent grown to fifteen. Although I don’t mind the gain when looking at myself in the mirror, some clothes are becoming a difficult fit; some of these clothes are things I enjoy very much. Two options really, purge the body or purge the closet.
The latter needs to happen anyway. Time to let go. I have begun sorting into various piles: things that fit, in size and style and palette; things that are too big but will tailor easily and meet the style and palette requirements; things that make excellent supplies (buttons, fiber content, trims…); costumes; and, finally, things to re-donate.
As for the weight gain, I am not going to obsess about it. What I will do is cut off further increases. Once I fall into habits, I do not monitor them as closely as I should. My six or seven small meals a day has snuck into the range of six or seven not-as-small meals a day. I have begun reducing portions again and cutting back snacks. I have again omitted the occasional junk-ish snacks, since I cannot hold them to staying truly occasional…
Lastly, as for purging the things I hold miserly in my mind, perhaps this is the first in an effort to correct that as well. Who can say really. The photo above seems to me to be the first in a long while. I had brilliant plans for my style posts while visiting in Atlanta; a whole look-at-all-the-combos-I-can-get-out-of-this-tiny-carry-on-bag thing. Beyond the contents of my suitcase and one horribly red bar photo, I didn’t open my camera for the entire trip. I understand how that works inside of my head, but I wouldn’t mind so terribly moving just a bit closer to center on that continuum.
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de-lovely-ed
I spend yesterday with <lj-user: supercub> and Mattison, who is on LJ but damn if I know which blog is his yet… Fun times were had by all to spite Mattison not feeling well, but that is for another post…
<lj-user: joezer> joined up with us for burritos at Moe’s in a very gay shopping center. I have never had such a cruisy burrito before…From there, Stephen and I went to his bowling night, which was also their holiday pot luck. I had a great time. He and I got home late, but still made time for a movie. That is the purpose of this post.
We watched Delovely. It is one of the many DVDs I have picked up from Big Lots! for three bucks and never gotten around to seeing. I thought it was excellent. Of course, we all know I have different criteria for saying that about a movie…
First of all, I found the device of playing back his life as a musical to be absolutely perfect. Plus I was amazed at how well his songs fit as the soundtrack of his life. Of course, I don’t know how much of that was Cole truly writing what he knew and how much was the screenplay making his life fit the lyrics… I also enjoyed how much of his gayness the movie included. For as gay as Hollywood is… it still doesn’t often like making mention of such things.
When I picked the selection to watch, it was with the intent to pick lighter fair, since it was late and we were tired. I had no idea how wrong I was in my selection. I mean, most of it was light and lovely and lifting, but really I had no idea how it would wrapped up. Clearly, I am much more unfamiliar with the life of Cole Porter than I am with his music…
At the peak of my response, I was sobbing uncontrollably; not so much for the content of the movie, but for what of myself I saw in it, which may be why I always tear up to such things… Specifically, I was responding to the moments leading up to Linda Porter’s death and how their love for each other, despite everything else in their lives, cemented their marriage back together.
What hit so completely hard was the fact that I have never been able to see this kind of singular, committed love being in my life. I have been aware of the fact for some time now, but it seems I have put it out of my mind more recently. It was a hard hit to see it so well displayed last night. I used to see myself as flawed for not having the drive to find this one singularly driven type of love in my heart. Eventually, I have come to understand the huge amount of love I do hold in my heart of the people in my life. Should various types of love be equal substitutes for each other..? Yeah, I think maybe so.
I wouldn’t exactly say that I was pining for a type of love that I don’t feel I am able to produce, but the movie hit me hard as an example of how much I could be missing in my life for the lack of that love… It hurt a bit. Inside my head, I saw exactly how isolated I could be later in my life, something I understand but am not always sure I am prepared to experience.
And, yes, I understand the place of all this in the broad range of my life. This is a tiny little moment compared to some big giant things, but in that moment watching the movie unfold it was big and giant and overwhelming.
And I wanted to make note of such a thing…
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yesterday
Brunch was delicious, considering how weird mimosas sound with chicken nachos… Joe’s on Juniper has a great atmosphere. It was also the only place throughout the day where people didn’t stare with mouths agape at my septum jewelry. From there, dakoopst and I roamed some thrift stores around town. They weren’t the DAV’s Sunday quarter sale, but I found a few great neckties for the collection back home.
Early in the evening, (lj-user: joezer) joined back up with us to see Where the Wild Things Are. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don’t remember what its criticisms were, just that they seems many… but, really, I don’t carry much expectations into such things. I would say there wasn’t much story, but for the world it created and the beautiful creatures in it, I didn’t much mind. My inner child was visually engaged from start to finish and I guess that is all I need for entertainment. It likely helped that I got to sit in the middle and hold hands with both the handsome men watching with me…
Joezer is both handsome and delightful. I am glad he had the chance to hang out with us and hope there will be more opportunity later in the week.
Today is hanging with <lj-user: supercub> and, later in the day, his Mattison. Yay! Then tonight, bowling is on the agenda! LOL
*smooch*
This is already a hugely welcomed break.
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sunday brunch in teh ATL
LJ event: Sunday brunch @ Joe’s on Juniper. In midtown.
Noon-ish.
So far: (lj-user: joezer), (lj-user: dakoopst), (lj-user: melzer) and myself… anyone else game…? You know the drill.
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to the ATL peeps
Hey you! Yes, you… the ones living in the ATL area…
I’m dropping in tomorrow to say hello and spent some time with <dakoopst>. Looks like Sunday will be an LJ thing for those interested and available. Stephen is gathering the info for now. I will let you know. Comment here if you are interested, please.
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Protected: dr sketchy’s style
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Protected: signs of a good time…
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Protected: tighty whitey wednesday
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when I least expect it…
… I end up with something rather clever.
Tonight, in chat, I was asked by a friend how things were with me…
My response: it’s one of those things… life is good, but because I make it so, not because of the small print…
He planned on stealing it…
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gryphon's hole 