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welcome to the hole
Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.
This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.
If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.
08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.
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Protected: How Many Times?
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Protected: hmmmm… how it has affected me
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Protected: Oops, I Did It Again…
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Holiday Therapy and That Crazy Thing I Do…
So, after some good, warm food and some intermittent lounging, I realized all I needed to feel better was the wholesome therapy of holiday decorating…
The tree in the living room is gonna be a slim tree this year, i didn’t want to deal with the mess of re-wiring the electronics in order to make room for a big tree…
I started with faceted multi-colored lights (shut up! all white lights are SO passe!) and large frosted globe lights in these great jewel tones… Then the ever-fabulous Costco ornaments – both packs! Add 2 dozen-packs of large glass ornaments from Pier 1 and an infinite number of adorable little glass balls and tear-drops in fantastic atypical colors…
Although I have started the process of making my own fancy S-shaped hooks for hanging, I am far-behind the ornament gathering. My alternative to ordinary hooks is this crazy thing…. I have piles of silver and gold cording and colored ribbons cut to about 6 inch lengths. I tie each ornament onto a branch and made a simple shoe-string bow. (I KNOW! I said crazy!) One year I even color matched the ribbons to the ornaments! (YEAH! I KNOW!)
Later I plan to add as many strands of vintage glass-bead garlands as can fit on the danged thing.
I have often tried to count the number of ornaments I put on a tree. I always give up before I finish, since I don’t keep the original boxes and have nothing with quantities on it… I do know that three years ago I topped out at over 250 glass ornaments on the same size tree…
And yes…each was tied on with a bow…
Some day I will inventory and list each and every ornament, sprig, tree and bead I own and you will ALL see the overwhelming magnitude of my sickness… (I know that when it comes to tiny ornaments – say an inch and a half or less, I must have more than a thousand.)
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Michael D is on My Mind…
Having spent the morning wrapped in the delightful warmth
of fond thoughts of Michael…
I dug up one from my hole.I wrote this after our last rendezvous.
The title is a pun of his last name.
It invokes an almost cheesy herald of light kinda of thing, but that is what I had in mind…the daysinger
light approaches on the horizon,
signaling a new dawn.
the darkness recedes from my sleeping form
as the herald arrives to greet the new morn.he is the daysinger,
he meets each dawn with renewed vigor
that belies the dark shadows that have followed him in his journey.
his song begins,
soft melodic notes reaching forth to greet the light.
an inviting tune that wraps around me; nurturing, intriguing and arousing.
the notes grow strong,
sweeping dark thoughts from my mind;
just as the nights shadows are dispersed by encroaching dawn.
the daysinger shifts and increases his song,
what was greeting becomes protecting, inspiring and strengthening;
my own energy joining in the lyric.
the daysinger crescendos;
he reaches his apex. my energy crackles and sparks
as it merges with his magic and song.i rise to meet the day,
charged as seldom before;
my heart rapt with the song of his soul;
as is my body wrapped with the strength of his arms. -
Not the Good Kinda Off
I have called it a day and left work.
I feel like I could wretch at any moment.The latest adjustment to my meds – mostly just natural supplements –
has left me unable to judge how much food I need to eat in the morning.
I am hoping that it is the antibiotic I have been taking for my sinus infection.
This morning was the last pill.I could survive the world landing on top of me,
just as long as it didn’t make me feel nauseous…How curious that the path that led me to full understanding of my mind’s unlimited nature
left my body just this side of feeble. The irony is not lost on me.I understand the cost of self-awareness.
I do not think it is too dear… -
Protected: The One That Got Away – Kinda
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Quiet Before the Storm
My brain is that eerie kinda quiet again…
something must be brewin’.I am carrying a funk lately.
I have not been so successful in the “be and let be” part of my life.
That makes me a bit sad.I have been tired and aching and not coming from a happy place…
so this wears me down and I forget who I am, who I choose to be…Soon, I think, soon. I hope…
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WTF?
What the fuck is up with this Mary Beth song? Christ!
I barely caught a part of it on the ride back from Kentucky,
then I heard it again, right after I switched to drive, in post-holiday traffic,
on the way to a college town! Fuck!“Mary Beth is scared to death!”
It’s about a high school girl with cancer
that dances around the house with her imaginary lover
since she knows no one would take a girl with no hair to the prom…So her date shows up and takes off his hat.
He shaved his head so she wouldn’t feel so freakish…Yeah… Right?
So, here I am – pissy as ALL get out with the traffic jam,
cursin’ David’s truck a bit, ’cause I am just not so used to stick.
(Well, not the kind on the floor of a truck…)
(Well, not the kind that shifts a truck’s gears…)Now, on top of all that, I bawling my eyes out.
Jessie-Frickin’-H-G-D-Chris!I’m crying now thinking about it again as I type.
I have mentioned previously how much I feel that my “psychic” defenses
were burned out during chemo…
Well, at this point I felt something else too.
Under the tears, I was fuckin’ pissed.I don’t even know who the artist is or his story.
But, fuckin’-swear-to-the-gods if it isn’t a DIRECT part of his personal experience,
he can burn in fuckin’ hell for all eternity for maney money off this subject.
Rip peoples’ fuckin’ hearts out about cancer as you get filthy stinkin’ rich…Fucker!
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gryphon's hole 