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  • welcome to the hole

    welcome to the hole

    Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.

    This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.

    If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.

    08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.

  • The Dinner…

    OMFG! My sister is whacked!
    She literally made whatever anyone wanted… AND the kick-ass, punk-rock turkey from hell!
    I think it topped Mr. White’s bacon-wrapped bird… Prosciutto wrapped rosemary sprigs skewered with garlic and stuck into the legs.

    The stuffing was bread and sausage and celery and onions and apricots. Get this… she loosened the skin from the bird and stuffed the dressing between the skin and meat. All that sausage dripping into the bird over five hours. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. The bird baked on a bed of carrots and celery, which later went into a gravy with sherry.

    For the appetite-encumbered in our family, she also made traditional gravy and my mom’s chestnut bread stuffing (which wasn’t stuffed), baked sweet potatoes AND candied yams, mashed potatoes, Gulliver’s corn (a type of creamed, soupy corn), pearl onions in cream sauce (my favorite) David’s handmade cranberry relish (with Rum!) stuffed celery, homemade parker house rolls…Whew!

    And of course pumpkin pie!

    Argh! Amazing any of us can still fit in our pants!

    Tomorrow, we get to spend the evening (including dinner) with the two most fabulous Southern Lesbians ever EVER! I adore them! I always feel sad if I don’t get to see them while visiting Louisville. They are Chris’ best friends.

  • Holiday OCD

    Most everyone is off running/watching Louisville’s Thanksgiving Turkey Trot Run,
    so I thought I would take some time to conquer the great unknown that is LJ tags…

    The freak-ass designer in me is driven to create a poetic system,
    big surprise there…

    So this is the explanation post…

    Adoration – Not quite on my knees (look for THAT below).
    These are the people and things that I worship as the gods and goddesses they have become.

    Aggravation- ‘Nuff said! This is the shite!
    People and events that make me crazy, or retarded…

    Alienation – The whole I-don’t-fit-the-mold thing…
    these entries touch on why I feel so out of place in life.

    Conflagration – Got’s to sets it on fi’ah!
    Not just the hot topics, things I would like to set ablaze – most the time figuratively.

    Elevation – The evolution of mind, body and soul.
    Things and thoughts that lift me up…not inspirationally, but literally.

    Explanation – Clarification and updates.

    Exploration – These are the side projects, design and erotica.
    This category includes holidays such as Halloween and Yule.

    Information – Personal background as well as peeks into how my brains works.

    Inspiration – These are dead on! Things in the world that inspire me.
    These are the beautiful people and the things they do that make me more than I was.

    Interpretation – This is, quite specifically, my dreams…
    whether I get them or not!

    Instigation – Those things that get me going – good or bad –
    you know, makes me want to stir things up. The precedent to conflagration.

    Medication – This is the catch all for all my health issues, concerns and treatments.
    HIV, cancer, chemo, and whacked-out medical professionals. It’s all here.

    Perspiration – Yeah, I know…you perverts, this is what you’ve been craving.
    Poetry, commentary on my erotica, personal exploits…
    I am guessing any exercise or work out stuff would be here, too.

    Recreation – These are the games, no… not the mind games, stuff like memes
    and word games, jokes… as well as social events and outings.

    Sublimation – Not sure how much this one will get used, really…
    This is basically a sub-group of the perspiration, specifically dealing
    with the BD/SM side of life.

    EDIT: 09-28-06 Nice thought, try it again… two more times before it works at all…

  • Laughin’ at My Sorry Ass

    Yeah…er, um…sure… I was gonna go the WHOLE freakin’ weekend without posting…

    Bwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha…

    So the entire family is asleep, but I slept too much on the drive here. And I am a bit too pissy to sleep…

    It seems that David overlooked telling me that he was planning all along to head back early to stop in St. Louis where his family is gathering. Since his parents are now going home on Saturday, i don’t know what that means… We have a chair to reupholster… jack-wad!

    He always swears that he told me, but my memory is not THAT toasted from the chemo…

    Labor day weekend, two and a half months ago, he mentioned that it would be nice if we could stop at his sister’s on the way back. That’s it. Of course, he also tells me regularly that he wants a motorcycle, a pony, and a kayak as well as to study the impact of cathedral architecture on the development of Liturgy (or Litany, of WTF ever…) and learn how to build skyscrapers, so I never know what will actually become real.

    This is life with a clueless, selfish bastard. Honestly, I don’t even care that I love him anymore. It isn’t enough of a return for the cost.

    This is a fine example of why I so often think of myself as invisible. Only a few select groups ever see me when I am not broadcasting. The freaks, the drunks and the weirdos…

    There is a concept refining in my head that touches this last part. I call it the 1 of 5 of 10.

    Starting with the generally accepted average that 10 percent of the population is gay, I have made an educated guess that maybe 5 percent of queers of had some experience that I would refer to as their leather awakening and truly, actively lead a life of leather. (although these days I would consider replacing “leatherfolk” with “free thinkers” since my LJ experience has proven that many gain that spiritual awakening outside of leather. The two subjects are strongly linked to each other in my head.)

    Of that 5 percent, I currently believe that only 1 percent really have what it takes to “get” me.

    That translates to meeting one who gets it out of every two hundred thousand people I meet… Great odds, don’tcha think? And yet, I have already met at least seven of them in the last two months here on LJ, (well, only one in person and I think he showed up with another candidate…) So, there’s 1,599,992 jack-wads that I can just skip over…

    Perhaps my odds are improving… like proven means anything…

    (Okay, why the fuck is proven not in the spell check?)

  • One Last One – I SWEAR This is the Last!

    Okay, David’s work crisis is over.
    Another social work masterpiece!

    He will be home any minute and off we go.
    My sister didn’t believe that we were late getting off because of David.
    Ouch!

    One last parting thought…

    I always wear my heart on my sleeve – as a conscious effort.
    I know it will not break. People are welcome to think me a fool…
    (The secret as to why? It is a test. To see who will embrace me
    and who will cut and run.)

    Sometimes I get caught up and forget. But I never tuck it away…

  • Parting Holiday Thoughts

    As I sit waiting for the “other half” to show up
    from gods-know-where, I thought I would bestow upon all two parting bits of wisdom
    to scare the crap out of y’all…

    1. I consciously choose EVERY word that comes out of my mouth…
    although sometimes I know it will need fine-tuning.

    and

    2. Over two thirds of my thoughts never get heard/read by anyone. Really…
    Be afraid… I am just gettin’ started.

  • Meme-Crazy Pasty-Irish Jack-ass

    Okay…
    This one I think grew out of the bubbas at Blue Collar TV…
    but with less fart humor – maybe…

    “I TRULY believe…”

    I TRULY believe that I am capable of being whatever I choose.

    I TRULY believe that I have the power to impact and change the world around me.

    I TRULY believe that everyone else of this green earth has the SAME EXACT potential
    as soon as they choose to do so…

    I TRULY believe that I have walked this rock before, a long time ago.

    I TRULY believe that the divine is within, not without.

    I TRULY believe that my dick is attached to EVERY set of nipples
    in a ten foot radius.

    I TRULY believe that the righteous never say that they are…

    I TRULY believe that “brutal honesty” comes from people that just don’t know how to be nice.
    *EDIT* (I sometimes forget how to be nice…)

    I TRULY believe it is easier to be happy than miserable.

    I TRULY believe a smile is infectious.

    I TRULY believe that, if I learn the trick, I can halt the laws of physics.

    I TRULY believe that I can speed up time simply by thinking happy thoughts.

    I TRULY believe that good fart humor is funny.

    I TRULY believe there is no such thing as bad fart humor.

    I TRULY believe I can – if the moment is right – read thoughts and feelings.

    I TRULY believe that the urge to fly was meant to drive us further into our minds,
    not outer space.

    I TRULY believe Satan only exists because so many people give power to him through fear.

    I TRULY believe that true power is all and that anyone driven to corporate power
    has no frickin’ clue about true power.

    I TRULY believe I have enough ultimate love within me for each and every person
    that comes into my life and proves himself worthy.

    I TRULY believe I have wasted precious time on people who are not worthy.

    I TRULY believe a fart is as healing as a laugh.

    I TRULY believe love lets you take a dump with someone else in the bathroom.

    I TRULY believe that sex was never meant to kill.

    I TRULY believe that sex is a regular, HEALTHY part of spirituality.
    Without embracing our sex, we fall to corruption.

    I TRULY believe modern day churches have fallen to corruption
    because they hide the truth and beauty of sexuality.

    I TRULY believe no one can do true harm unto me without my permission to do so.

    I TRULY believe insanity is a contrived means to write of those that think outside of the box.

    I TRULY believe that time is arbitrarily assigned by man.

    I TRULY believe that the theory of relativity – as explained to me in school –
    is a little weak and still missing something…

    I TRULY believe that William Shakespeare is an incredible genius that could see through to all-time.

    I TRULY believe that I am 98% unbreakable.

    I TRULY believe that chemo did not find the breakable 2%.

    I TRULY believe that any man that didn’t enjoy getting fucked is either too uptight
    or needs to find a better partner…

    I TRULY believe that sexual fetishes arise out of childhood memories – some harmless – some not.

    I TRULY believe that typically people fear BD/SM because they might like it.

    I TRULY believe that there are NO intimidating people in life.

    I TRULY believe that there are many – MANY – intimidated people in life.

    I TRULY believe that proper grammar is worthwhile.

    I TRULY believe that “blog” should be listed in Live Journal’s spell-check.

    I TRULY believe that rules should be learned and understood, then dismantled accordingly.

    I TRULY believe that chemotherapy has helped me to better communicate my true-self to the world.

    I TRULY believe that misery loves company.

    I TRULY believe that love loves company more.

    I TRULY believe that I could go on with this forever, and that some folks would even enjoy that…

  • Prep for the Holiday

    Well… I just called off work today…
    It was only a “half” day which would have ended up more like two hours.

    I decided I didn’t want to pack dirty clothes to launder at my sister’s.
    I am sure I will be a posting whore until we hit the road,
    but while I am feasting my LJ will be in famine, ’cause I don’t plan to post
    from Kentucky…

  • I Can NOT Believe It!

    Last nights late entry didn’t post. DAMMIT!
    It was good too, although quite pissy!

    I could never channel that again,
    suffice to say I am GREATLY disappointed by many people.
    It currently seems that I am meant to not get what I am promised…
    I cannot tell if it is me, or the people around me.
    Don’t know if it matters.

    I am tired of crap.
    I think I spend a good amount of energy providing (insert whatever here)
    for other people in my life. I do not feel it coming back to me at all.

    Could I really not deserve such basic things as timely communication
    and courteous follow-through? That would go against what I have ALWAYS embraced in life.
    I am tired of the crap of other peoples lives. I am tired of busting ass
    when everyone else just sorta sits there…

    I don’t what to change this quality in me.
    I suppose I would simply like to surround myself with others that act the same.

    I am tired of being tired.
    (It must be fate that dumped last night’s posts,
    because this one is much better, and not so mean…)

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