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  • welcome to the hole

    welcome to the hole

    Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.

    This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.

    If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.

    08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.

  • 3×30

    3×30

    I’ve had this thing. I get a lot of comments about how sad I look, or about how much more I should smile…

    Only, I am never sad or upset in the moments these people need to advice me on my facial expressions. I am simply… inward. It would seem that when I go inward enough, my face loses expression. Or maybe in my case, losing expression means sad-as-fuck.

    I don’t know.

    What is this photo…? I am tired from work and my eyes are dried out and irritated from the computer and the fan sitting right next to me.

    But I like it. I like the expression. I like the pain that seems to be there, even though I am not in pain. I suppose this is a further suggestion that I enjoy the wholeness of my life and my personal experience. I am not scared off by my ugliness. It helps to establish my inner being. It gives my life full voice. Along with happiness and joy. I do sometimes forget to speak aloud about those, but I rarely leave them behind for long. That is why this photo did not make the cut for day one. I wanted something with more pep. Or was that moxie…?

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  • 2×30

    2×30

    I should take this project as a chance to play with light and the various settings of my camera. I get ISO, I just don’t entirely understand what it means in a digital camera, but I am understanding better how it functions and how it effects color and light and graininess…

    I don’t mind graininess.

    I am not going for slick polished images in this. I expect to arrive there much further down the road…

    I don’t mind grit.

    I also think I am coming out of a difficult struggle with my body and body image over the past year. Time to celebrate my body again.

    Yay!

    Someone, I think it was <gregorbehr>, once commented on how comfortable I look in my skin. I see that. I have for some time. Even when I am wasting away, even when I ballooned up at the end of chemotherapy… I was still comfortable in it. I suspect it may just be that sensible thing that bulls can do: it is the only flesh I will ever have in this life, may as well get on with liking it…

    previously unposted photos from day two, added 03.14.23:

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  • Protected: 1×30 – this one’s for pete

    Protected: 1×30 – this one’s for pete

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  • Protected: my heart, she bleeds black

    Protected: my heart, she bleeds black

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  • Protected: the other new boots

    Protected: the other new boots

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  • Protected: the color of the evening was oxblood

    Protected: the color of the evening was oxblood

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  • impending auction and new art

    The Slap-n-Tickle is having trouble and it saddens me.
    More information can be found at the website.

    I am not fully clear on the details, but the landlords have not be up-front or timely with the utilies bills and Apryl is now buried in bills. It is a great place and a great space. Apryl has been more encouraging for me than any one else here in the KCMO…

    She is planning an art auction in lieu of this months first friday show.

    I have offered her my note card racks. Any cards she can sell through the weekend are her profits to keep. I also wanted to make something new for the occasion. An original to donate. Artists can set their opening bids, minimum bids and percentage split for anything they donate.

    A concept hit me on the way to work yesterday. I mean, reached up out of my belly and slapped me across the face. I even remembered after I got home from work. That can be a problem for me…

    So, I began scribbling and rushed frantic through the night. I went to bed at 7 am, having forced myself to do so…

    I get upset about time off from drawing…
    It has been close to eight months since I drew anything… that irritates me. For shame on myself, I always think.

    But this is turning out to be a great piece back into it all. I always think that I need to get back to painting: it has been so long. But I view it often as instead of drawing. Then I start something like this with ink and I am floored. I think I have something in my inks that is rare these days. I need to remember this and never let it go…

    Photos to come as the piece is more complete.

    This also marks a moment where my art moves into more social-polical commentary as well as erotic content. I like the results, even if it was more by accident this round.

  • wowsers!


    Sunday, my studiomate and I went to his shop to build a shelf. (a slighter smaller shelf that runs along the first one, sort of creating a bi-level effect…) It is a fine shelf, but I picked up a splinter. Right in the middle of my right hand palm. Of course, I pulled it out and moved on.

    I didn’t think I got it all, but I couldn’t see anything.

    By yesterday at work, it was irritating me whenever I tried to grab something. Like, say, always. Shit! I am right-handed. I felt it every time. Bother.

    I picked at it. Found nothing. Picked at it more after it festered a bit. Still nothing.

    Finally today at work, it was pusy enough, that I drained it and a small dark speck appeared under the skin surface a little off from the puncture hole. I let it be, determined to cut it open and dig it out when I got home.

    And this is what I did.

    I cut into it with a clean blade, trying to repress a smile. (I am a sick-o, you know…) Then I grabbed the tweezers and dug a bit. Still nothing.

    One more squeeze.

    Oh! I see that now, that damned tiny speck… I grabbed the tweezers once more and pulled.

    Damn…
    No, wonder I could feel something in there still…


    I kept my thumb in the frame to offer reference. It may not seem like much, but there is some of it underneath the tweezer… Plus, I had initially pulled out about this much when I get it in the first place.

    The splinter measures about halfway across my thumbnail. Just so you know…

    Wowsers!

    My palm was teh clown car for the wooden sliver circus.

  • Protected: the eyes have it

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  • Protected: once smitten

    Protected: once smitten

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