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welcome to the hole
Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.
This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.
If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.
08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.
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ramsjb asks…
Question: Why do you continue to hang a door knocker through your nose? It’s not a criticism, for I used to have one, too, but I am curious.
Answer: When I first had my septum pierced, it was to bring who I am inside up to the surface. That gesture still holds true, perhaps even more so now. During chemotherapy, I had to remove all the metal. In that moment, I felt like the hospital had taken away everything I had done to grow into the person I had become. It was an awful thing I felt inside. After treatment, two of the four never went back in due to infection problems during treatment. I still have a slight bit of anxiety about them not being there, even five years later.
Things are just things, for the most part. I understand I should not be upset if it had to go away, but there is a symbolism to the things we bring into our lives; the appearance I put to my exterior represents how I fit to the world, how I see myself walking through it. Many people think it should be removed, not for my own good, but simply because they are uncomfortable with it. I suppose that is a real point behind me wearing it: who I am and how I live will make many people uncomfortable. I am not the status quo. A ring through my nose helps to say, right up front in the first instant, “Hi! I am not you.”
March is question month: ask your questions here.
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sctmpls asks…
Question: Do you ever see yourself having another LTR? What do you look for in a potential mate?
Answer: I don’t think of it in those terms. I am not opposed to the concept, but I am not seeking it out. I am looking for connections; real, conscious, sound connections, but I have no drive to make them into specific things. For now, anyway, I am content to let them evolve as they will.
In another interpretation of the LTR, I could say that I currently have many of them, at least six to a dozen in various stages of development, but it is a loose definition and most certainly not a mainstream view of LTR. (I recently described my relationships to a friend back home with the term country-wide network. LOL Not an option found on Facebook…) I currently have no drive to share my living space. I need to be removed from the world in my home, at least for now. I need to learn how to maintain myself while around others; it hasn’t been an easy lesson for me.
As for what I seek? Compatibility. I have an odd take on love. I value it, but I don’t focus on it in my relationships. Not any more. I see love as an incidental; meaning that it will happen over time from the investment put into knowing someone. It doesn’t make things work, but it is a beautiful by-product. Compatibility is the key for me. I don’t need someone into all the same things, but with no overlap, why bother…?
I am a curious person. I like trying things. I think it is important for me to share that in my partners. My most recent ex-partner wouldn’t eat so many food items, which left me out of many things I loved because cooking two meals was ridiculous… He was set very tightly in most things he liked to do. I felt constricted (in a bad way *eg*) and very quickly felt like I had stopped growing. I can’t imagine how that could be a healthy relationship…
I should say: I think I am a hard person to manage. I am easy-going but mostly because everyone can go to their own homes at the end of the day. I am more demanding of myself than of others, but living with me can take its toll. That said, I have no need for a partner to be live-in. I have no need for a relationship to conform to any pre-established notion.
March is questions month: ask your questions here.
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low_fat_muffin asks…
Question: Tell us about a piece of art that you love? Show it to us and tell us what you find beautiful about it – what you find ugly about it – and perhaps some personal history between you and the piece?
Answer: Dragonfly by Apryl McAnerney Murray (Her divorce finally came through last year…)
I should say: this image is a bad copy; it does nothing to convey the colors that greet you when you stand in front of the original image. The piece is 48 by 36 inches. Apryl is a master at large scale. She is also the notorious owner of (the) Slap-N-Tickle (me) gallery here in the Crossroads of KCMO.What do I find beautiful about the work? The detail, the intricate patterns and textures, the mandala-esque nature of the composition. Apryl has always amazed me for the ease at which she ripped open the flesh and offers the truth of a soul. From her artist statement on her website (link no longer active): My work is all about women- the masks we wear, the forms we take, the roles we play, just to scratch out a bit of happiness and comfort. I find an image of a woman that fits a fleeting idea in my mind but does not fit into perceived reality. I reinvent her, taking away one thing in sacrifice for another. I might take her legs but I’ll give her wings. These are the kinds of choices we make all the time. We passionately give parts of ourselves away in trade for security, safety, love, acceptance or whatever it is we’ve forgotten how to give ourselves.
The only thing I hate about it really is the fact that my finances make me have to borrow time visiting it.
As for my personal history? Apryl used to date an artist here on my floor in the Hobbs. They used to share exhibits space for Open Studio and Gallery nights to double each one’s exposure. This piece hung in the hallway of our floor for over a year, until Apryl took it back to hang for her personal show at the Slap-N-Tickle last fall. I paused in front of it nearly every day of that time. I passed it on the way to and from the hall bath. It is spellbinding. Inspiring. It is Apryl. At some point, I will become a better artist for knowing her and for having spent so much time engrossed in this image.
March is question month: ask your questions here.
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jameth asks…
Question: How do you grow a beard?
LOLAnswer: Me…? Very. Slowly.
I consigned myself to a year without major hacking, mostly just so I could find out what it would do, where it would fill in and where it wouldn’t. I have seen spent another year or so trying to find the perfect shape and cut for it’s maximum potential.
For me? Full, but kept short, maybe shortish. Stretched out, most of it is about three inches long, but it is curly, it hangs only about an inch and a half from my jaw. This is the best for me, IMO, regardless of how much I love a full long beard on a guy; my beard is thin and scraggly. It requires grooming.
As for you? Patience. And don’t listen to the naysayers. Grow it at least two months longer than you think you should. See what it can do.
March is question month; ask your questions here.
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osodecanela asks…
Question: Describe your idea of a perfect day, and if it involves other people, how and who.
Apologies, but this will be a hokey answer.
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wrascalbc asks…
Question: What were your favourite cartoon shows, books, comics growing up?
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arcane_nitehawk asks…
Question: Daddy, tell us the story of how you got started with vintage clothing.
*snicker* "Daddy…" LOL
answer behind the clicky… -
wescobear asks…
Question: Tell us one thing you remember fondly from your childhood – a person, an event, an experience, an object, whatever. Something that makes you smile when you think of it.
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envirobear asks…
Question: If you had two months of "grace" where you could go anywhere, do anything, see anyone, experience anything, without regard to expense or obligation or other limitations…what would you do?
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maxcohen asks…
Question: How many piercings (past and present) have you had/have (please list)?
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gryphon's hole 