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Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.

This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.

If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.

08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.

Something has changed within me. Something is not the same…

Broadway references aside, I have been feeling some long forgotten things.

Covid had essentially burned out my extrovert. Or, at least, the outward part of my ambivert. I was wholly content as a home body since the pandemic reared up. Until this past winter.

I started with the local leather club’s monthly bar social: some people that I knew, some people that I didn’t… It was a sound, solid start.

My previous dandy phase has not dried up, but dull colors are now death to me, and that comprises the majority of men’s dresswear. My dandy is on the back burner, waiting for inspiration, reinvention, and a rehoning of specific handskills.

Also gone is my by-the-book look of my inner leatherman. As someone with no military background, the heavy uniform influence of black leathers leaves me feeling an imposter.

So, where am I to find myself, then?

These things I know must be true of any authentic expression moving forward:

1. Color must be forward and present: I enjoy the idea of my hanky colors wandering into the clothing of my kink expression. Although I do also enjoy specific colors linked to kink to which I am uninvested.

While I own no blue jeans to speak of, I have recently learned of (and acquired at fairly discounted cost via eBay) numerous odd colors of Levi’s 501s.

2. Pattern will be present: solid color is the death of complexity. Plaid is the easy, if maybe obvious, option, but when coordinating that plaid with teal or lavender jeans, the ubiquitous side of plaid slips away. This has proven consistently true in recent trials as I play with my expression in kink-friendly spaces. Good or bad, I receive comments on my colors.

As well, I will manifest a way to work floral print into my kink manifestation. I do have an old bar vest that needs some love, and a hand-painted floral motif might be in its future.

3. Customization is essential: I have a ritual kink; I want my attention to detail and the investment in process to be obvious, even if only to the handful of audience in the know.

Case in point: the above 501s are decidedly relaxed in the leg. I have begun tailoring them. I will not be wearing them as daytime streetwear, so I am tapering the legs and removing the hems to make them more suited for tucking into big boots.

In fact, I finally ordered a serger today so that I can properly trim and finish the seam allowances post tailoring.

4. Found object/conversion kink: I would prefer finding a majority of gear (whether new or thrifted) as existing equipment in the outer world that speaks to a secondary use/visual within kink.

Tool/climbing belts have been an excellent breakthrough in this regard.

The above gear is perfect for my new Carolina ten inch Lineman boots.

I am not yet sure how color and pattern will play into using this gear, but I am eager to find out. I mean, the goal is still a cohesive look; a cohesive identity expression that suggests artist/dandy/craftsman/tailor/perv… all in one instance.

That’s not too much to ask.

the find of the week: Wedgwood cufflinks. I’ll call them daisies, rather lovely things. I could say they are possibly the best links I’ve yet to find in a thrift store. how could I leave them behind…? This is that once in a lifetime thing that thrifting puts into one’s life.

I forgot to mention: I’m a (self-)published author. No shit!

sex, trauma, & illness

The name may be off-putting, but then that would just fit it to some of my words all the better.