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  • welcome to the hole

    welcome to the hole

    Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.

    This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.

    If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.

    08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.

  • dr foot


    SO, the doctor scraped the spots with the planter’s warts, and applied the multi-combo blister goo.

    The worst one is already sore, the blister must be forming. He said some people don’t get blisters, some do. The deeper the ‘root’ the more likely the occurrence. He also told me I could pop and drain the blister to relieve the discomfort, since i have to walk on it, but I think I will forego that and just deal with what pain comes. I have a bad track record with infections lately, why risk it on the dirtiest, darker, sweatiest place on the body. Okay, maybe the second dirtiest, darkest, sweatiest place…

    But this is not the point of the entry.
    As ‘go team’ as it may sound, I am glad to have gay doctors. I cannot express this enough.

    Although I had to let my ID doctor go for poor office organization and general all-around flakiness, and his replacement is cool, but decidedly straight – I still have a gay PCP, a gay dentist and now a gay foot doctor.

    It just seems to settle a part of my brain that otherwise remains clenched in a doctor’s office. I just suffer less from stranger anxiety and potential embarrassment.

    This said, I have noticed – perhaps for the first time – how captivated I am by my gay doctors…It is like a school boy crush, all three cases. Perhaps because I have spent most of my life seeing weird, uptight, fashion-backward doctors…

    Perhaps it is tendencies toward medical fetishes. Really, exam tables just get me running!

    I had to consciously stifle a moan when the podiatrist touched my bare foot. I almost couldn’t stand it. And he had such a great smile throughout the entire session. I am on the chair, elevated, shoes off. He is down at my feet, in-between them on a small rolling stool. Of course, I checked his basket. I tried not too, but couldn’t stand it.

    He wouldn’t normally be my type, but I kept fantasizing in my mind that he had a foot fetish, that his entire life and career were built around it. That is hot to me. Endlessly so.

    Little things added to it. Of course the touching of my bare feet. They are so hyper-sensitive right now. Chemo had caused some nerve damage, which is typical. I forget what the nurses called it, but the sensations are now just returning.

    Of course, to me that means I am easily overwhelmed. And I have been avoiding guys playing with my feet because it felt so odd.

    Oh, AND he remembered David. We both have the same PCP.
    And we both have now been referred to the foot doctor for planter’s warts. (Yes, we most likely gave them to each other.)

    But when I mentioned him by name, he said it sounded familiar but he could remember the feet. Sure, part of the business to remember patients by their feet.

    But…

    BUT…

    He finally remembered David.
    Not because of his feet, which happen to be rather narrow with incredibly high arches, so not so average I would think.

    He remembered him because of his cowboy boot.
    His BOOTS!

    I think, score one for my fantasy, Mr. Doctor-Foot-Freak man!
    Yum.

  • day two

    The Fever seems mostly broken,
    but I am not yet fully convinced.

    Other than that, I am still coughing up
    every shade of crazy…

    Odd since I do not feel any congestion in my sinuses.
    They – for the most part – seem free and clear,
    but my throat is always filled with phlegm. Ugh!
    Its like some other part of my body is making the crap…

    Very frustrating.
    I wheezed most the way through the night,
    but still managed to awake feeling better and rested.

    I do think today will be another sick day, though.
    Even if it is just my weird-ass sinuses,
    I don’t think I should be around so many other people
    that never seem to wash their hands…

    Oh, I also have an appointment with a podiatrist,
    to deal with a planter’s wart that has been hanging out far too long.
    Only reason I am up so blinkin’ early…

  • OMG! OMG! OMG!

    SO, in the wake of my sick day,
    I receded up to the third floor space
    I have been trying to convert to my personal space
    in the house. Luckily, thanks to the laws of physics,
    or maybe thermo-dynamics, it is the warmest spot in the house!

    While there, I decided it was due time to install
    my Christmas present from my folks…
    A Niagra II Continuous Ink Flow System for my Epson Photo Stylus 1280…

    This uses the archival, pigment based inks that let my produce
    my own over-sized giclee prints.

    OMG! Becky!

    I can’t stand it!

    Information on Media Streets site, lists indiviudal cartridge sets
    costing about 83 bucks per set. Yeah, right?
    Well, with the new system, I can order a set of 4 oz bottles
    for the bulk system at roughly 98 bucks a set.
    That takes ink costs from 24 bucks an ounce to about 4.5 bucks an ounce!

    Holy crap!

    Now, since the printer has been stored due to my lack of ability
    to afford the expensive inks…it will take a while to get all the printer heads cleans,
    but – DAMMIT – I can hardly wait!

  • 2nd day of work+4 poops in as many hours+chills+aches=1st sick day

    DAMMIT!

    I just got back to work.
    Damn the timing of it all.

    I should expect to miss tomorrow as well,
    but it should pass enough by next week.

    The odd thing, the shakes and chills….
    I have no fever….well, maybe no fever.

    I checked, it was 98.1
    but for me – the freak that I am – that could still be enough.
    I typically have a ‘normal’ body temperature of 96.8 or so.
    Who can say…

    Maybe that is why the desert doesn’t bother me so much
    AND why my feet are always FREEZING in winter, even in Phoenix…

  • Protected: I’m SOOOOOOO easy…

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  • Protected: dang it all! (my first brown post…)

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  • The Return of the Dreaded Gunk!

    It’s back.
    I think I felt it returning as far back as my last day in Phoenix.
    The dreaded sinus gunk. Dammit. I am so SO completely done with getting this crap.

    Of course, it spread into my eye. Of course, as always.
    My PCP has taken cultures to see what it may be before treating it,
    since last time the drops helped but didn’t really get rid of it all.

    And now, the coughing. I work today from 3:30 pm to midnight.
    I would have liked to sleep a bit later than 8:30,
    but I rolled over. Big mistake. All the chest phlegm and mucous crap
    rolled around and resettled, giving me the coughing fit.

    Fortunately, once I get up and remain upright for a bit,
    the coughing settles.

    Dammit. The general consensus is still an unknown…
    Either a virus that doesn’t make ‘healthy’ people sick,
    or the pleasant PLEASANT thought that my sinuses simple produce
    more crap now after chemotherapy. Lovely.
    The ENT months back said that it could even be simply from aging
    and have little to do with being post-chemo.
    He said either events could – in theory – cause the change in body chemistry.

    Blargh! I am sure it will be two weeks before it passes entirely.

  • First day back

    Just got in a bit ago from the first day back
    at the yearbook company.

    I like the job, it is mostly not so creative.
    Easy enough that I rarely consider it a challenge,
    but involved enough to keep my layout and software skills
    sharp for other stuff.

    The people there are good people.
    They are just crazy enough, too.

    Plus, I found out today,
    that my health insurance premiums will get lowered
    next month since I am returning for my second season…
    Yea! for me. It will only be through the active season,
    then back up to full. But then, I qualify for Ryan White assistance,
    which is currently just a few dollars less than the full premium.

    That will be like getting a extra $125 every two weeks.
    Yea!

    Now, to find work that will continue past May…

  • The Hollywood Emot-o-coaster

    Okay.
    I have been milling this around in the freak-hole I call a brain.
    This whole debate about the crap and drivel Hollywood calls entertainment.
    I have tried to keep up with the endless debates and discussions,
    the rants and rages, the defensive justifications.

    Yes.
    Hollywood yanks the audience around as it chooses.
    Yes, Spielberg movies have a noticeable three count
    before the audience coos, cries or cackles.

    Yes.
    The story quality has greatly diminished.
    The attention span has shortened.
    The special effects budget and planning has sky-rocketed.

    I don’t care.
    Yes. I don’t care.

    I choose to make myself available to the roller coaster.
    I choose to be led – for an hour or two or three.
    It is my choice. Please don’t think I am not clever enough to be aware
    of the situation. I choose to enjoy it.
    Just like all the other crap that has snuck it’s way into my life.
    I choose to find a way to enjoy it. To make it mine.

    Case in point…
    Battlestar Galactica.
    Brilliant! OMG!
    The back-to-back death plots. Genius.
    Yes. I know
    I KNOW!
    They did it on purpose to make me come back next week.
    Or next month.
    Or next whenever the fuck they decide to come back with new episodes these days.

    I choose the ride.
    I make myself available to the experience.
    I enjoy the fucking ride.

    Let go for once.
    Gods, don’t be so afraid to look stupid or manipulated.
    Christ. Don’t you choose to be there.
    It is your conscious act.

  • Protected: The Current Jist of Things…

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