Home

  • welcome to the hole

    welcome to the hole

    Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.

    This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.

    If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.

    08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.

  • Protected: The ‘Fitting Together’ of Things…

    This content is password-protected. To view it, please enter the password below.

    ,

  • Beer Bust

    Harness – check
    Chaps – check
    Wescos – check

    Ready to stir it up at the beer bust – check!

  • The sweetness of third…

    I could get used to this.
    I just got in from work, this is my weekend, starting at 7:30 AM Friday morning…

    Hmmmm…I like it.
    Just gotta stay up long enough for the doctor’s appointment,
    and maybe lunch with Todd. Chinese is always great for lunch.

    ,

  • Protected: A Sarcastic Yea! for me…

    This content is password-protected. To view it, please enter the password below.

  • Wouldn’t Ya Just Know It?

    So, towards the end of my shift,
    a woman comes in to start early…
    She has changed her shift by one hour to help
    with the schedule of a second job.

    Her terminal is just across from mine.
    She had heard a comment I made last week
    about switching to third shift to have better weekends,
    trying to set up a show or two…

    So she asks, “What kinda shows?”

    Now, the late shifts at work are pretty hip and whacked out as freak-ness goes, but first shift is full of church-going housewives and pseudo-retirees and such. I try to just pass a casual comment about the content of my work as not day-time friendly…

    “Oh, really. I have ALL sorts of acquaintances…” Turns out she had spent some time exploring her inner dominatrix after her divorce years back. She has attended such punnish events in St. Louis as Spanksgiving and Beat Me in St. Louie…

    I love my life…
    Sexual freaks are everywhere.

  • First day on third shift went well enough,
    though I will need most of this week
    to fully adjust to the change…

    That odd silence in back in my brain,
    it does not suit me well.

    If I acted more timely to things,
    perhaps I could avoid such feelings and surly moods.

    I seem compelled to find the ‘perfect’ time for an action, instead of owning the moment and making it perfect. I will work to improving this. If I am to truly do what is best for myself, and my health, I must care a bit less whether or not it is someone else’s best interest.

    I need to hurt David, soon. I need to say what he doesn’t want to hear, hurt his feelings, and even his heart, so that we can both – finally – heal ourselves. We have nothing but hurt left for each other at this stage. We will continue to both hurt ourselves and each other as we continue to live together.

    We cannot offer what the other needs. It is sad, but it is the truth. The hurt offered in saying this and acting upon it will lead us both to a point where we can one day heal and love once more.

    The truth is more important than not hurting.
    I wish I could get him to understand that…

    , ,

  • The Schedule Change…

    I start working third shift this week, at my own request. It puts my working Sunday through Thursday nights, much better I think than second shift working right up to midnight on Fridays.

    Plus, I don’t want to get too wrapped up like last year. I like most of these people, but they are not MY folks…They don’t quite get it – or me. And that is just fine.

    But they are – simply – my co-workers. I don’t need them to be anything else, and with the few number of people on third shift in our department, I will have much less distraction…

    This will be good.

  • The rumor mill…

    I just had the funniest phone call.
    My friend Todd called to say he heard I was going on the pub crawl tonight.

    The odd thing?
    I haven’t talked to Todd all week long about the weekend,
    the fact he was doing the crawl, and that I wasn’t due to poor cash flow and not feeling well. He knew this.

    Anyways, it seems that I told someone else that I was going, and he passed it along to the organizer of the crawl and my ticket is being held for me just in case.

    The funny thing?
    I haven’t seen either of these guys – or talked to them – since at least New Year’s Eve.

    The one – I think – has handed me some odd kinda of pseudo-celebrity status, where he thinks that anything he plans will be more successful if I attend. But yet, I never ACTUALLY get invited to these things. No one actually calls and invites me, or even lets me know they are happening. They just spread the rumor that I am attending.

    That’s just plain weird.

  • Protected: The new toys…

    This content is password-protected. To view it, please enter the password below.

    ,

  • Covering My Hole

    A foul, surly mood has been with me all day…
    the kind that seeps into everything.

    I can’t grasp anything right now.
    I am mostly tired, partly over things as they are going.
    I most definitely need to regroup my life.

    Time to circle the wagons.

    I keep dwelling on some sort of silent running period.
    Not even sure what that would involve at this point,
    but I will think on it.

    I need to simplify. Reduce.
    I think if it isn’t my health, my art, or the things that help to provide for both, I should let it go…

    ,