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  • welcome to the hole

    welcome to the hole

    Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.

    This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.

    If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.

    08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.

  • Protected: My Suspicious Mind

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  • The Realization

    I have recently realized that I still have an airline ticket left as a Christmas present from my eldest sister from last year. She had huge amounts of flyer miles that she had no plans on using and at the time, I didn’t want to ask for any gift that would have cost her money out of her pocket.

    It was originally intended for a trip back to Cleveland to visit all the friends there I haven’t seen in years. Recently, I realized that I could make that trip fairly easy by car, and that maybe I should plan for that, and use the ticket for a trip I cannot otherwise manage… I checked with my sister over the Fourth of July. She said there were enough miles in her account to cover anywhere in the contiguous United States. She also agreed with my new take on the ticket.

    Currently? There are so many places I want to go, so many people I want to visit. I think I should make it San Francisco. The timing is perfect. I might even be able to make it fit with Folsom Street Fair. Honestly! How kick-ass would that be? I always wanted to attend the event while I was living in Phoenix, but never managed the trip…

    I am not completely sure I can swing this yet… but the prospect is good.
    This would be very good. I could use some uber-gay leather-ness around me…

  • Protected: Yay! for Me

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  • What to do with broken toys…

    It is a bit odd that I am so attached to the metaphor of the broken toy. <codeboi>’s nudge to bring The Velveteen Rabbit back to my consciousness closed the deal. (Now, if I could only find the copy I bought…)

    I truly like the fit of the image. That one particular toy so loved by its owner that it is always the favorite. Worn so much, that parts and hinges don’t quite work as designed, stickers and details worn off…

    This suits me. This suits my life.

    I like the worn. I like the broken, in the sense of broken in.

    Except some days I feel as if I have wandered off and dropped some parts along my travels. Sure, I can stumble on forward without them, and I will still be very lovable to the right kind of folks.

    But, still, I would very much like to remember where I dropped them, I had grown rather fond of my parts…

  • My Manifestation

    Todd is right.
    I am alone and isolated because I have willed myself to be so.
    For the last two years of my relationship, I did very little except will myself to be alone.

    I did a good job.

    <castrowoof> put manifestation into my brain, or at least brought it more forward with his recent post.

    I am a whole and healthy being.
    I am full of vitality and the strength of Life.
    I am stable and grounded upon this rock.
    I have every gift and talent I could ever need.
    I have access to these gifts at will.
    I am a successful illustrator, erotic artist and designer.
    I have the drive and skill to excel in life and career.
    I have the finances to do what I plan.
    I have the freedom to breath easy.
    I have all the love I could ever need for those in my life.
    I have all the love I could ever want from those in my life.
    I have the power and commitment to shape my life as I please.
    I am secure in who I am and always have been.
    I am as I choose, not as others view me.
    I have the heart that gives endlessly.
    I have the mind that solves anything.
    I have the body that perseveres through everything.
    I have the sexuality that others seek.
    I have the emotion that keeps me true and honest with the world.
    I am successful.
    I am clear and focused on my goal.
    I have to strength to face my fears.
    I have the brilliance to melt those fears away.
    I have the power and knowledge and wisdom to be me in every aspect of life.

    I am whole.
    I am happy.
    I am complete.

  • The Next Add-On to Ridiculousness

    I got the newest addition…

    ROFLMBGQAFLWAO!

    Years ago, when I first started chatting on-line, I found some of the short-cuts just a little bizarre. I remember having to ask what BRB meant. It was in a room that paid meticulous attention to the rudeness of folks wandering away without BRB’ing. It was very entertaining.

    Some time soon after that, I decided to just start randomly putting my answers into such forms. IMTMOTT! (I Mean The Most Obscure Things Too!) Mostly for fun, but also to demonstrate how odd it was to those that may not be familiar to it.

    My favorite family is the LOL/ROFL/LMAO family. All the add-ons work similar to the screwdriver drink family; screwdriver, slow screw, slow comfortable screw, slow comfortable screw against the wall… I love that kinda stuff!

    The first add-on I did to existing short-cuts was ANLB. As in, ROFLMAOANLB. And no longer breathing. It never took, but that wasn’t my intent. It did stop a few people and make them ask though.

    Then, more recently, having found the LJ world, I took a more celebratory bend to the LMAO thing. I am pretty sure the first appearance was in bigfundrew‘s blog.

    LMBGLWAO!
    Laughing My Big Gay Lily-White Ass Off!

    Love it. And yes, he had to ask. In his defense, he got the Big Gay part, but not the Lily-White… And on it went. That was my response when entries reallymade me chuckle.

    Lately, I have gone to the ROFL version, namely ROFLMBGLWAO. There have been some intermittent curse words thrown in here and there, but mostly just this. Until today…

    It was now evolved on more time.

    ROFLMBGQAFLWAO!

    Sure, I will explain, if I need to, but this one should be more obvious. I want to see who guesses.

  • Protected: The Banana Story

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  • Protected: The Late Night Explosion of the Fourth

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  • The Wierd Thing About My Peaches

    So, back in Kentucky, I picked up some poundage of peaches because they were big and glorious and best of all – on sale. I bagged up a bunch to bring back with me since KCMO produce is not always the premium stuff for mostly the premium prices…

    I picked out the hardest ones I could find, since I had to transport them back home and didn’t want them all bruised. Oddly, I got them home (on the second day after purchase) and thought they were still much harder than I would have expected. Last night before bed, I could smell their fresh peachy goodness everywhere in the place, but still hard to the touch. I started thinking maybe they were a bum batch and were never gonna soften and get juicy. Yes, I said juicy. It’s fruit, fruit is suppose to be juicy!

    This morning, still the good smell and no sweet softness.

    Got home just moments ago. Couldn’t stand it anymore. Sliced myself two big, fat peaches, despite their hardness. Sweet juicy heaven. Who knew.

    I must remember this. Sometime in the future, I am certain I can use it when someone calls me a hardened bastard. I can see it in my head.

    “But honey, I am still juicy on the inside!”