The Re-ordering of Things…

Everything in my life has fallen to disarray over the past few years. Mostly do to my love-life or more rightly referred to as my failing love-life. It is emblematic of my ‘in for an ounce, in for a pound’ view of things… The objective for this round of the chaotic carousel? To remember my […]

The Routine of Late…

I am so tired lately. I get less and less sleep each day, now down to about five hours a day. I have made some bad habits since I started ten hour shifts. For example, running too many chores after work in the mornings… I have found that if I stay up too long, I […]

The First Haul

The first big load of stuff will head over to the studio today. The place is still mostly a disaster, but I cannot wait forever to start moving. Luckily, the closet by the sleeping area is mostly empty. I will haul everything I have that’s packed in boxes now until the closet is full. I […]

Moving On

Well, it is done. I was not brave or brilliant or even really courteous. I simple got sloppy enough that it eventually got back to David that I wanted out. I am a coward. Or too wounded to impact the change first-hand. Or both. But we will both mend. We will both eventually move on […]

Something to think about…

As I work through tonight’s isolated third shift… “I know we haven’t been talking about things that need to be discussed…” David told me a bit ago, as he hugged me hard before going to bed. This is the most astute thing he has ever said to me. Although I am curious to discover if […]

First day on third shift went well enough,though I will need most of this weekto fully adjust to the change… That odd silence in back in my brain,it does not suit me well. If I acted more timely to things,perhaps I could avoid such feelings and surly moods. I seem compelled to find the ‘perfect’ […]

Gone Again

And he is gone again. Another chance gone with him. Off he goes to spend money he doesn’t want to realize he doesn’t have. I sit here, ready for work, knowing I will not see him again until sometime Saturday. I sit here. And sit here. Waiting for a perfect time that will NEVER show […]

I am so angry with myself.I am furious. WTF? Seriously, WTF?

I can barely breathe…My heart is racing… And I don’t know how to make it happen. I have spent so much of the last two years just reacting, maybe even my entire life. I no longer feel I know how to make something happen. How to will it to be. I don’t know how to […]