post-camp note

I should make a note to engage in more overwhelming and intense activities at camp next year, so I can return home with huge amounts of processing and not be so instantly reminded of how incredibly lonely I am for such brotherhood in my everyday life…

post-camp processing

My brain doesn’t want to move on, and doesn’t want to release. I feel stuck. I can say that what I linger on is not severe or heavy or unravelling; it simply is, and it is sticky. I would be mostly okay with it hanging around for a bit, even if it isn’t all good. […]

losing my masochist

A friend once mentioned to me that not-choosing was a valid option; he put it in the sense of waiting for clarity. The idea has always sat close to me through my life… With that notion, I have been sitting silently with something since last September. I have mentioned it to various individuals as the […]

Protected: fourth friday

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Once more…with clarity!

The early morning post completely missed the point…This is it. I am not a top. I am not a bottom.My recent life experiences are specifically lead me to an integrated space. Versatile is a co-opted sucky term for the situation. More over.I am not (just) a Daddy, Dom, Master, and don’t get me started on […]

The first slump of ’06

I am home.Or at least back to the place I live… I am overwhelmed with sadness now.I feel torn in so many pieces right now.So many places I could be, so many places I could go.But none of them really offer any improvement. Right now, it all feels like the same crap. I miss my […]

Protected: A Long Thought From A Brief Comment

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Laughin’ at My Sorry Ass

Yeah…er, um…sure… I was gonna go the WHOLE freakin’ weekend without posting… Bwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha… So the entire family is asleep, but I slept too much on the drive here. And I am a bit too pissy to sleep… It seems that David overlooked telling me that he was planning all along to head back early to […]

the loss of truth

I crave it to the pointthat my skin splitsand my heart craves to throw itselfupon the rocks below. I most recently realizedI hold no animosity in my heart.Not for anyone – not even the idiotsthat annoy ’cause they cannot usethe turn-signal before they come to a stop. But every-time I speakand give forth the truth […]