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  • welcome to the hole

    welcome to the hole

    Once upon a time, I kept a LiveJournal account, gryphons_hole, a deep, dark, comfy little hole in my brain where I kept notes on my life and queerness.

    This is the archive to that account, mostly password protected, adult, queer content, stripped of photo content after the site restructured its photo hosting feature. I hope to restore that content as well.

    If I know you, ask for the password. If I don’t, hope for a generous mood.

    08.18.24 I have realized a need to continue in this space. A kink reawaking if you will, with content that may range into inappropriate for my other blog spaces.

  • Protected: the holiday arrives

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  • Protected: is it noon, yet…?

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  • 2008 in review – the brief edition

    I am happy to get this year wrapped up and put to bed.

    There have been some great advances in my life, but through all of it, this year has offers a level of disorganization and frustration that tops the remainder of my life. I am not compelled to dwell on it as long as I hold enough memory of it to keep myself moving away from that space.

  • sunday style – the pinstripe edition

    I landed some sharp pinstripes today at the trusty DAV Thrift.

    Tonight was a Dr. Sketchy’s kind of Sunday and what better place than that to dud it up…? The pin-ups and glam-pusses that run and frequent the joint are sending me some major kinds of lovin’ for the dapper game. Tonight, the talk was big about my posing session coming up, helping me brainstorm for costume and accessory ideas. Some good stuff came out of it. Gryphon van der Hole should have a fabulous debut. And I don’t use the F-word lightly.

    What you cannot see here are the sock garters; same pair as last week with patterned grey socks. The trousers are the same I think as well. I have accumulated numerous pairs of dark grey wool trousers… The shoes are fun and were about three bucks at the DAV: burgundy saddle shoes with black saddles by French Shriner. They are incredibly comfortable.

    The braces were a quick grab. The elastic in the back strap is frayed, but I picked them up cheap for the hardware. I planned to alter some clip-on sets I have been accumulating. They just happened to match the tie well, so I snapped them on. It was a hidden feature anyway. only I knew they were there. And now all of you.

    The vest, jacket and shirt were found this morning; the tie and trousers, last week. The trousers are Brooks Brothers, a big find for a buck. The crease from the cuff I took out last week is still a bit obvious, but that will go away next weekend. In keeping with my love of constrictive clothing, the slide buckle on the backside of the vest is set taut. The vest really cuts in below my ribcage, giving an extreme v-cut int he photo above. I think the tugging int he shot over-emphasizes it.

    The tie is Gilbert & Lodge, one hundred percent Italian silk. A search for the name only lands a few pertinent links, all to items for auction on ebay. The vest and jacket were found separately, on two different racks. They have two different pinstripe patterns, but I think they were original part of the same suit. The grey background is the exact same fabric. The shirt is a blue/grey herringbone weave by Chaps by Ralph Lauren. It has a strong heavy weight to the fabric and doesn’t wrinkle much in the laundry. I am beginning to place some great value on that quality. I hate crumpled plackets coming out of the dryer…

    In all I like the look. I certainly like how it feels on me, but I think it needs to go back to the drawing board. It is ordinary. Well-fit, but there is no zing. No ker-pow. No queer embellishment, really. Yes, I like the underthings: the braces and sock garters and such. Oh, and the Nasty Pig jock that kept my package so nicely balled and pushing against the wool of the trousers… That was nice. But, still…

    I will have to think on it. I am very happy to finally find some pinstripes that are not navy blue.

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  • 2008 in review – the curious edition

    From eric_mathgeek…
    From Eric’s post:

    There’s usually a meme going around just after Dec 1 in which you post the first sentence of the first post of each month.

    This is not that meme.

    I’m doing it differently — I’m looking at the subjects in my monthly archives and choosing one that sounds interesting, or that I think will be representative of the month, and then picking the sentence (or two) that’s the most revealing of what the post is about. Each month has the subject and then the sentence. (Hm, in doing this I had a thought for another way to cut the meme — the subject and most revealing sentence of the post with the most comments. I might do that after the new year, so December has it’s full chance…)

    It’s my meme and I’ll cheat if I want to.

    I’ve added links to the original entry, because, well, it’s my meme and I’ll cheat if I want to…

    JANUARY – this morning’s dream – too real
    At one point, my partner’s fingers were down the instructor’s throat. The way she swallowed them and worked to breathe around them was so erotic…

    FEBRUARY – the encroaching edges
    My eyes are becoming over-sensitive, not just to light, but color, too. And sound. Yes, my eyes. Sensitive to sound…

    MARCH – apologies
    It made no sense to me to apologize for something that will happen again. My thought was, “If you are sorry, stop doing it.” But that is an unfair request, I suppose.

    APRIL – out… and in
    But sometimes I get scrambled. Then I am standing strong against the world and falling over from my own power. Those are the flaws.

    MAY – my secret math life
    First… I hated that. Yeah, put a hyperactive sugar-binge child in a room with 22 other students and then tell him to focus on a book… Second. Do not ever tell my mother that one of her children is dumb in math.

    JUNE – metamorphosis
    As a result, I do not approach as often as I have in the past. I wait for them. I want to see that they might be able to handle the all of me...

    JULY – day twenty-seven – the gory one
    I still get sad whenever someone in my life gets diagnosed with cancer. I still sob uncontrollably when someone dies… But something new is showing up. This year I decided to show the anger…

    AUGUST – the unspoken topic
    To start, I have arrived at a point where the specifics of my spiritual view act as much as metaphor than anything else…

    SEPTEMBER – um… er, yeah…
    In the grand scheme of things, I do not consider myself to be unusual much at all. I think only one thing sets me off from the norm…

    OCTOBER – salty tears
    May 8, 1999 was the day I received positive test results for HIV. That was the first and only day I ever cried about being positive. Until today.

    NOVEMBER – another one gone and another one gone…
    I suppose my mirrored profile would read: I have a thing for individuals and free-ballin’ Please have class.

    DECEMBER – a day without me
    I told my lead he owed me a cookie. I like cookies.

    I also like Eric’s idea to consider this for posts with the highest comments. I imagine I will wait for January as well, to give December a fair chance. I will also consider separate lists for photo posts… As I went through all this on the list, i realized that mostly the more compelling titles belonged to the more involved posts. Not surprising. Some of them were either made to a small filter or turned private back when I shut my blog down a fair amount. SO some of you may never have seen them. They have been re-opened to friends-only. I have been meaning to do that for some time, but – eh – that takes time, you know…? I post. A lot.

    Anyway, enjoy!

    EDIT: I shoudl say that the new LJ feature – at least for paid accounts – lets me see a lsit of entries for the month by title, including level of privacy and number of comments, instead of just the monthly canlendar view. Just add the date to the end of your URL, in this case 2008/(whichever month you wish to view)…

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  • capitulating…

    *sigh*

    myspace:
    If I want to be connected to specific people, then I have to be where they are. They are scattered about here and there, which means I have to spread myself thinly to connect.

    I have also rebuilt a Flickr account, mostly to not get closed out of photo links from folks on LiveJournal.

    I don’t expect my photo contents on either of those to be anything more than superficial. There isn’t enough layout of content freedom at either one. I will stick with LJ’s scrapbook for photo-hosting. I have a good understand of gallery hierarchy when it comes to who can see what. It is how I like it.

    So now, I seem to have the whole list. In this drive to be everywhere, I see in it the idea that having these profiles in all these places, with all these ‘friends’ listed all over, makes a person connected and popular and loved. That idea makes me sad, for it diminishes the power of content; the power of substance. In a sense, I feel I am caving in to superficial trends, but in this case, to stand on principles of content leaves me standing alone and alone rots. I want to be where the people are…

  • as the year closes…

    I got nothing.

    Each thing I write – or begin to write – turns down a path I do not with to make public, or pseudo-public. I am nowhere as open as I was when I first joined here. If not by words, then by actions, I am learning to close off myself, to not share of myself. At least anything of importance. The interaction is degrading, whether it is just my own corner or universally is unclear. As a result, I feel little desire to exert the effort. I should be making things elsewhere.

    I guess I will stick with superfluous images of myself in various stages of dress.

    Shallow is the new deep.

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  • back to the drawing board – in a good way

    It pays to ask questions. I just discovered that the plant is closing for the week between Christmas and New Year’s… This means I have more time to visit my family in Cleveland and more time for stopping on the return trip. It also means, most all of the dates I had set are wrong.

    I need to speak with my mom tomorrow and then I can see what is what.

    But… Yay! for not having to rush through travels at the holidays.

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  • Protected: sunday style – running late edition

    Protected: sunday style – running late edition

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  • Protected: last night…

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