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Everything in my life has fallen to disarray over the past few years. Mostly do to my love-life or more rightly referred to as my failing love-life. It is emblematic of my ‘in for an ounce, in for a pound’ view of things…

The objective for this round of the chaotic carousel? To remember my need for order. To remember it precedes my need for a lover, at least, a live-in lover.

The concept? Or theory, maybe… focusing on the other crumpled aspects of my life, restructure them, and keep the knowledge of their necessity in the forefront of my mind. I tend to get caught up in ‘this moment, now’.

My LJ has a role in this, for certain.

I have failed at all previous attempts to keep a journal. I think mostly due to distractions and my inability to pen thoughts quickly. So, in bringing my blog to this level of functional evolution, I will attempt, once more, to re-order how I approach it. This time, with more understanding of the site and functions, and more understanding of the greater concept of a journal with which others can interact.

Some may have noticed that my previous attempts at clever tags have faded away, replaced by ordinary key-words. I now understand exactly how little the feature works with gimmicks interfering with it.

In learning for others’ experiences and my growing dread of work and life colliding, I have elected to remove those entries using at least one specific tag from public view. I do feel a tinge of disappointment in this act, wanting to be the balls-out, bare-it-all kinda guy. I do have to make a living though. The topic may or may not be evident to readers of my entries, but I feel the move paramount to my own safety given my residence and the current political climate. I will list the actual tag(s) in a protected post later. These entries are being edited to ‘friends-only’ posts.

I have also previously made some entries limited in their viewing access. They are not friends-only. They have a much smaller viewing list. It is derived from those that comment most regularly in my blog. I used this screening when I am specifically seeking other opinions or breaching a subject the needs to maintain an amount of secrecy. It is an ebb-n-flow kinda list. It changes. No requests for inclusion allowed. My blog. My rules.

The third distinct change stems from this growing distraction I have with writing to an audience. This is suppose to be my journal. In just five months (maybe only three) I started self-censoring. I started clowning, avoiding topics that might not be as funny are entertaining. Then the shit hit. It must have been whiplash for those not physically present in my life… Basically, I stopped blogging and started chatting. I enjoy the interaction, most definitely, but not at the omission of the self-exploration. I need a means to track my mental process, the flow of this damned cycle of ineffectiveness I have in my life.

These entries are posted fully private, mostly so I do not obsess with how many comments they get instead of personal growth. I just finished the first earlier this morning. As of now, I plan to track certain specific subjects, each with its own unique tag as well as tags tying to other related public posts. As of now, I plan to open each set of posts as the subject matter gains resolution in my life. Of course, this could evolve some other direction completely. I understand that possiblity.

Also, I understand that this entry may simply read “Blah blah blah!” to many many people. I am okay with it. It is my blog. I am okay with boring. I am okay with me.