this is what I see

Everybody struggles. Everybody looks in the mirror at some point in his life and hates what he sees. And, well, screw you for saying that I have less right to struggle with my image or size or weight or diet than you do. Screw you. My perfectly normal, perfectly non-traumatizing childhood left me fully traumatized. […]

nine years cancer free

Nine years ago today, the doctors said “It’s gone, you’re done.” *exhales* *checks for lumps*

fashion on the fringe

Kansas City Fringe Fest… Such great odd things happen there. I made my runway debut for a jewelry designer friend. I was the only male in the show, and so much bigger than most of the other models… Friday night, I heard gasps as I came on stage. *giggle*

anniversary approaching quickly

This weekend will be nine years cancer free. Nine. … Maybe I will believe it’s truly gone after ten. I still hold my breath every Christmas Eve (when I found it) every early February (when they cut it out and I started treatment) and every end of July (when I finished treatment). I just posted […]

gettting back to things

About a month ago, I joined a gym. Except for tossing around paint cans prior to attending CLAW (seriously), I haven’t worked out since I left Phoenix. Yes, that would be just over eleven years. Ugh, how do such things fall away…? Anyway, I have full, hard muscles again, and I am happy. My arms […]

frogs

Last night I had a rather ordinary dream, mostly about family distractions provided by actual real world family members. The rather extraordinary part is really what sticks to me though… Early into it, someone handed me two tiny bird eggs. Only they weren’t. I tended to them, and shortly they hatched. One had a tiny […]

not here right now

Recreated/migrated from dapperkink, added 03.11.23. It was a rough week.

stompin’ boots

Recreated/migrated from dapperkink, added 03.11.23 New laces for my oxblood lace-ups: Wish you were here! *eg*

bad actors

I carry a sense of rightness – or right-doing – with me walking through the world. It is an important thing to me, sadly, sometimes to the point of being debilitating. I currently find myself so mired by the stipulation of acting as the man I choose to be that I cannot function. I don’t […]

the problem with adaptability

Here I sit in my life, looking to release the crap and see the good, and I get stuck on an idea difficult to expression and maybe more so to explain in detail. I find it a horrible thing in my life to so adaptable. I live in a crap hole, owned by a friend […]