You are my only hope!
Honestly, I have not been abducted by the sadistic leather-clad strong-arm of an evil empire (although that does sounds more delicious than horrible…)
This has been a month! I decided to not renew the lease on the studio, Michael’s (my studiomate) health finally failed, and I have the entire contents of this space to either move, sell or dump by the end of July. I do look forward to the move; ever since I made the decision in earnest, I have been waking up a growing list of things of which I have been depriving myself since moving in here. Like an oven, and a private bathroom, and the ability to use more than one counter-top appliance at a time without popping a breaker…
So, that is all right and fine in the world.
Yesterday was Michael’s funeral service. Not a wake, not a memorial, but a funeral service. I had not been to one of those in quite a while. I was just find through this whole to-do until I got to the service and people starting telling their stories. I could not stop crying. Nor can I step up to such things and speak, I am too overwrought by the thoughts that flow through my head at those times…
Now? I am still fine, or mostly so. If I think too much about the things that will change in Michael’s absence, I am hit full-bore with how much I miss him. Or will, or whichever.
Mostly, the day-to-day is easy, since he was only sporadically here. It is when I am where he was always with me that the weight of his absence sits hard on my shoulders. For instance, this coming afternoon… AT the service, I was invited to a poolside gathering by Michael’s closest gang. I had joined them last year for both Memorial Day and the Fourth. I will enjoy myself there. And I look forward to spending the day with everyone in attendance being aware of Michael’s absence.
Yes, I think that will work just fine.
gryphon's hole 