The worst of it has passed; the fever has broken. I am mending, although every four hours, the OTC decongestant expires and a kick-boxing ninja’s foot hits me square in the ribs…
There is something of which I have been aware for most of the passing week that I am only just now comprehending…
I have to rebuild my relationship with food.
It might be easy; it might be difficult. Either way, the thought leaves me on the edge of tears. I want my old food relationship back.
Here’s the thing: I very clearly had some type of food poisoning. I understand how difficult it can be to identify what type for what little good it does in many cases. I have been through this BV (before the virus) and remember the important stuff. Hydration, electrolytes and simple food stuffs to start. For the record, Lifeway’s Kefir with Probiotics was a divine answer to halting the outward pourings of my puckered ring. Just to say…
Settling the stomach was easier than expected, except I misjudged the source. I thought it was foul snap peas, which I had tossed. A recurrence of the symptoms indicated (in ways that maybe would understand…) that the culprit was more likely blackberries. I have been leery of my produce-cleaning skills for some time. Now, I understand that the doubt was not without merit.
I have tossed most of the food that was in my refrigerator when this all started, not that much of it was still good, as I have eaten very little in the past two weeks. As it stands: I am afraid of fresh produce. I don’t think my stomach is ready for it yet, but my brain cannot even grasp the idea of eating it right now. And that upsets me. I have stocked up on all that I should need for the next week or so: juice, kefir, stuff for bland turkey sandwiches (read: turket breast and bread) and oranges. See…? I trust stuff that I have to peel…
On top of it all, I have had a major change in my body impacting food intake and bacteria levels of my body. This means I now have an outbreak of (oral) thrush. Ugh. Out of nowhere. I was a bit surprised, what with all the kefir I was drinking. I stopped for one day(before the recurrence hit) and *wham* thick teeth and fuzzy tongue. Fuckers! And each time it happens, I have just tossed the expired remains of the last swish-n-swallow (I so love that phrase!!) prescription. And, of course, the coating of the thrush makes even more foods taste unappealling.
As for groceries, it is best that I forget most all of it for now. I can imagine a virtual shopping spree in my head and all of the usual yummy suspects turn my stomach. I do not like this! I have been putting off the thoughts of the topic because it is that upsetting. If I focused on it enough, I would need to break out the lorazepam. Again. I am riding that anxious about it all…
The idea of handling fresh stuff myself is entirely gross right now. I need that to go away.
To sum up: the physical symptoms and effects are fading; the emotion ramifications still need to be resolved.
As I said, I want my most recent food relationship back. Dammit. It has served me very well for the past few years…
gryphon's hole 