Good evening!
First, I would like to apologize for the late timing of this address. I thought it imperative to not interrupt more important events, such as the season opener of Lost…
Second, I would like to thank you all for tuning in as I report on the state of the closet for the year 2010. I will make every effort to address your concerns and cover the gains, and loses, of this past year.
Let me begin with neckties: This is the year for neckties. We have a surplus. I expect this highly successful area of concern will aid in supporting other programs and shortages throughout the year. (The tie door is almost full, that would be 288 ties when full. Goodness! And that’s mostly at the beautiful Sunday DAV sale price of five for a dollar.) The range of coverage is broad and diverse, as it should be. I hope that other areas of interest will develop in the coming year as the neckties have of recent.
I will move directly into the most wanting of topics: bowties. We have a severe deficit here. I have reached out and networked with contacts and we have some hopeful solutions that will turn around this troubles aspect of the closet. I look forward to reassess the growth here at the end of the year.
Next on the agenda: boot trousers. I’ll be honest and forthcoming; we need to make some cuts here, there are simply too many to justify in this great closet of ours, but we should not fear, most of those staying are too wide at the hem. That means tailoring, and that means more work, which is exactly what this closet needs to stay thriving and full of high interest content.
Moving on, I would like to speak to you about casual shirts. We have had excellent growth in this particular concern of the closet. Speaking frankly, we do have some fitting problems (mainly sleeve length) but I have assembled a team of the best analysts and we will go step by step through each and every article, making sure it is what we need right here, right now in 2010. We will tailor the items that show a good promise for the closet and we will remove unneeded articles, making room for new items that better fit our purposes.
2009 was a banner year for dress shirts, leaving us is a good position in that concern going into 2010. We have trimmed the articles that are of no good use, re-purposed those that show any promise and trimmed down on spending where items show redundancy. For more formal matter, we have developed a sub-section of this department to address special concerns (French cuffs. To note: the first shirt on the right was a gift from David F. over my NYE visit. It is an exquisite French cuff shirt made from pure silk. Divine!)
This next part is difficult to address, but I will not mince words: footwear. The closet has lost ground on footwear of late and we need to cut our losses. Storage space in the closet is at a premium and the system for shoes has been antiquated and inefficient throughout the entirety of 2009. It served our needs well enough in its time for the initial costs of the system, but we must think of the overall good of the closet. I regret that I must now tell you that the majority of footwear will be relocated out of the closet. The space beneath the bed and laundry hampers in the bedroom is far more accessible and comes at a huge savings. We will simply have to look at ways to make up the difference. It has been a hard decision, but one that must be made. As an upside, the big boots will be staying within the boundaries of the closet. They hold the market on most travel anyway; this is a good maneuver for the closet. The coming year will prove it.
Let me tell you next about: accessories! This program has really taken off of late! What began with a few small efforts has blossomed into a rich network of options and alternatives when choices need to be made that allow us as a closet to really stand out among our peers. (Crew socks, dress socks, quirky fancy dandy socks; braces, sock garters, belts; briefs, boxers, jockstraps, cups, thermal underwear; pocket squares, handkerchiefs…)
Moving on, I want to fill you in on the sweaters. I now we have recently had a turn-over in the bi-partisanship of this aspect of the closet. Yes. Yes, the cotton sweaters just regained a position from the wool, with the addition of an irresistible cardigan. I cannot say what the outcome would have been if that heavy wool ski sweater had been stored in cedar… (Too much mothing for my tastes, so it remained on the sale rack… Pity.) I trust that both fibers will work together to remain productive and vigilant against the ever-present threat of acrylic! Our closet’s safety and integrity is of the utmost importance!
I have already mentioned the additional work that tailoring the boot trousers will bring. Now, I want to discuss it further: it is time to rebuild the infrastructure of the closet! Work! Work! Work! We already made the purchase (Free!) of carpet to finish out the flooring. I will put together a team of experts to solve the interior wall problem, all the while adhering to strict budget concerns. This is the year for the closet to end its spending deficit. We have struggled for too long. Relief is in sight and we will hold to our plan and reduce our deficit down to zero and still more work will be made in the process!
I know what you are all thinking: he has almost reached the end of this State of the Closet and has not yet so much as mentioned the biggest debate of recent times: jackets. Anyone can see, most jackets in the closet are of a traditional variety. No one will deny that things have been this why for a long time. I know my critics have blasted me for making no mention of this in the previous year, my first as Dandy Supreme of this closet.
That ends here!
We all know that our neighbors harbor, support and even celebrate jackets of a more diverse nature: colorful, altered, flamboyant, bizarre jackets are everywhere we look outside of the closet (Namely, the costume rack in the sewing region and the lateral bar of the Bowflex. I know…. I know!) Our time has arrived, people of the closet, to embrace the rich heritage and diversity of our jackets and extend to each and every jacket equal access to the laws and benefits of the closet. No jacket shall be turned away from its proper place in this closet; no jacket shall be devalued as second-class…
In closing, I would like to address one more criticism: transparency.
I know there is a considerable amount of unsettling things back in the dark recesses of the closet (fetish wear: leather, carhartts, coveralls, wetsuits, waders and dressing robes. Oh, hush! These are my fetishes, the dressing robes count! Dammit!). They are there simply for the fact that they fit best there. I will work through this coming year, along with a committee of experts to ensure that transparency continues through my term as Dandy Supreme of this proud and richly filled closet.
Thank you. And have a good night!
*smooch*
gryphon's hole 