I had two whacked out dreams last night… I only remember pieces but here we go…
In the first, <kumazuki> and I were at a bear gathering, I could say it was BITO, it certainly felt like it. We were sitting on a big sandy spot…
Not sure why, but this guy I know locally and his lover started lobbing rocks at us. I didn’t really move out of the way or put up a fuss. I just moved my leg or whatever as the rock landed for a miss. The first odd thing, the guy’s lover wasn’t his actual lover – he was someone from my LJ list. I won’t say who because the reaction I had…
As the rocks kept missing, this LJ lover started picking up bigger and bigger rocks to hurl at me. Eventually, he picked up this gigantor boulder. (Let me just say that a small little bit of me – inside of the dream and out – woof at that moment…) Since he clearly wanted to decimate me and didn’t have such great aim with such a huge rock, he came running up to me to squash me with it. This is where my complacency changed. I got pissed. Not for the rocks oddly, but because he was now cheating. I got up and charged towards him, shoving the boulder from his grasp.
This is the part that eventually woke me up: I started pummeling this LJ lover of the local guy. I just punched and pounded away. No one would have been able to stop me of lift me off of him. I was so angry. Everything I have been holding in since my last fist fight in eight grade come pouring out of me and into his face and torso.
Easy to say, I am a bit disturbed by it.
I will take the dream as a sign I am beyond ready for my political fight – my activism – to become more than it has been. That would make sense having him symbolize the role of my aggressor, not because I see him as an enemy, but because I have been learning how to stand up for my beliefs more through his blog…
After I feel back to sleep – that dream unsettled me enough to wake – I had another. It didn’t get to far… I was signing up for classes, I was going back to college. I think it was Kent State. Lots of odd touches to this dream… I could only afford one class to start. My mom was trying to offer some assistance, but I didn’t want any more of their money… I got to check in, but I could enroll because my driver’s license went all wonky. It would seem that dreamland driver’s licenses turn red with all these weird childhood images of yourself whenever they get too close to a strong heat source. At that point, they are invalid… I was angry at learning this since it was the first day of classes and I didn’t want to miss the first class. So, off to the DMV. I got a replacement. I got the class. Can’t really remember the subject – not painting or art history for certain – but I remember the professor. He was gonna be a good one… I got home from class and started my studies – very unlike me in college – and thinking about the house I went back to… it was very strange, very empty, not well set-up at all. Then I saw David in the backyard pulling weeds and mowing and all sorts of chores. He called out to me, “When are you gonna start helping out?”
I had so many answers for him. Don’t you realize that I am leaving. Can’t you ever let me get to my live? What I said was “I enrolled in classes today, I have homework. You are going to have to handle it yourself.”
It was always his house anyway.
I was so upset at being back to his home that I woke up immediately. That was that. I got up before the alarm, I didn’t need a third…
gryphon's hole 