I have the strangest sensation right now…
I was out at Bootlegger’s Beer Bust tonight with friends. There was a great crowd of ‘us’ amongst the ‘thems’… It was a nice change of things.
I had an opportunity to catch with a fairly new friend. It was a good vibe and a good crowd. He mentioned something that caught my attention. Something I had learned of on LJ. He mentioned a MC of which he was a member while he lived back in California. The Valley Knights. I knew instantly why it was familiar, having recently found <gerardwing>’s journal. It was a strange feeling to know of someone’s connection through completely separate means… but also a good feeling. He continued some stories with a great look on his face, full of good times and fond memories. He started naming names, most of which I never heard. Honestly, I only know the user-name, which is truly an odd thing to admit outside of the internet experience…
Then I froze. He named one. Wes Patterson. A world of thoughts flew through my brain in an instant. Processing. Processing. My friend was not internet connected. “Did he not know?” I scoured his face for acknowledgment. I knew the answer… I have never been so great with the topics of death and mourning. I don’t seem to experience the same way as most. I almost hesitated and almost as quickly realized I couldn’t… I told him about Wes’ accident and death and watched the expression drain from his face. He and his partner consoled each other for a moment and we all lift a glass for Wes.
How odd the world has become that I could know such specifics of his friend’s death before him. It is lingering in me. I am not shaken so much as acutely aware. Such a surreal experience in which to be involved.
I hope this doesn’t sound too strange or come across as too terribly freaky. I am honored to have been present in that moment. I don’t even really know how to explain that further. It sounds odd to me to even think, let alone admit out-loud. I stepped out of the voyeuristic experience of LJ and into the physical, actual lives of men so many states away that I have not even met, through their connect with a local friend. The moment held so much power, that I was held captive in its unfolding – fully aware of its strength.
In that moment, words I found on a computer screen became more than a passing read. They came to life and took on true significance to everyone around me. That is not such a bad thing.
gryphon's hole 