First day on third shift went well enough,
though I will need most of this week
to fully adjust to the change…

That odd silence in back in my brain,
it does not suit me well.

If I acted more timely to things,
perhaps I could avoid such feelings and surly moods.

I seem compelled to find the ‘perfect’ time for an action, instead of owning the moment and making it perfect. I will work to improving this. If I am to truly do what is best for myself, and my health, I must care a bit less whether or not it is someone else’s best interest.

I need to hurt David, soon. I need to say what he doesn’t want to hear, hurt his feelings, and even his heart, so that we can both – finally – heal ourselves. We have nothing but hurt left for each other at this stage. We will continue to both hurt ourselves and each other as we continue to live together.

We cannot offer what the other needs. It is sad, but it is the truth. The hurt offered in saying this and acting upon it will lead us both to a point where we can one day heal and love once more.

The truth is more important than not hurting.
I wish I could get him to understand that…