The early morning post completely missed the point…This is it.
I am not a top. I am not a bottom.
My recent life experiences are specifically lead me to an integrated space.
Versatile is a co-opted sucky term for the situation.
More over.
I am not (just) a Daddy, Dom, Master, and don’t get me started on Sir. That one just forces poor grammar! No protocols that undermine everyday processes are acceptable to me. Grammar, basic courtesy and etiquette, and common sense supersede all else.
I am not (solely or specifically) a sub of any sort, boy, pup, slave, blahbity blah blah…
To the point…
If I am unaccepting of the ‘community’ as it is, it is due to the fact that the community is unaccepting of me, unaccepting of my refusal to fit neatly into its bothersome boxes.
I will not be marginalized by a community that was formed in response to their own marginalization. Likewise, I will not marginalize someone that DOES fit neatly into the boxes. That is their choice and freedom.
Give me the same.
If I am not wholly supportive of the ‘community’, it is because the community fails me whenever I need it. And, yes, I feel justify to walk away for this fact.
If I walk away from its contests and titles and fundraising and boxing and categorizing and re-fracturing, it is because I refuse those things, and thus the community.
If I turn down the chance to compete for a title, it is because all of them have been so rigidly evolved that I fit none. I will not give blindly to me own ego in order to feed yours…
If I grow tired of your fundraising, it is because I have been a candidate of the charities for years now, and do not receive the charity. Every dollar I spend in my life goes to a person living with HIV/AIDS so fuck off with your guilt trip.
My parents funded my chemo, paid my bills, not the community that always asked for my help. My community during treatment were the same five I count further below in this post.
I refuse to fit in a group that is unwilling to fit with me. I think this is fair.
I did not mean to pine for some lost better-time of yore. And I don’t. I do on occasion wonder if I missed ‘my intended time’ but that is no more than wonderings.
I may be a community of one, but actually I can count at least five others to it by their own words and deeds…I, as a community, will not need to force you into a box to feel comfortable about you or myself because of you. I, as a community, will be constantly me, but otherwise constantly adjusting to allow for new experiences and folks. I, as a community, will be as forgiving and loving as I am rigid and unmoving.
I will allow for the voices to grow in unison and volume and intensity. I will not be fearful of challenges or differences, for I know this makes the sense of community stronger.
For the record, this is not offered with bitterness, this is offered with resolve. To my perceptions,
the example I see of community fails, and its leaders are too egotistical to let others in to fix it. To step aside and admit their hand in the failure. So I choose to let it fall. Let it fail.
I will be here to rebuild. With my own.
gryphon's hole 