Do you ever get that feeling…
You know…no?

Let me elaborate.

Every so often, I notice this point in the cycle.
Even though I seem well balanced and productive and ‘present’
I feel no reaction – or interaction – from the world around me.

I am a pretty big guy, as stated before.
Loud voice, big presence. Bigger than life most days.
But sometimes – and this week is one of them –
I feel like I am fading away.

Well, maybe not me exactly, I suppose the rest of the world could be fading…
Doesn’t matter much which direction I guess.

But in these times, I everything that adds to it,
which never helps. Like the last time I went to karaoke.
Not a single person even realized I just sang, didn’t even notice…
Okay.

The company I contracted with this past month,
every week I turn in an invoice, every week they cut a check.
Last week – while still working for them –
while actually travelling to SD to help save their collective butts,
they just all of a sudden forgot to realize I still needed a check cut.
Okay.

I see often folks getting upset that they have no friends
or loved ones. Often these individuals are deceived in their perceptions of themselves,
not realizing how disliked they may be. They have little honesty about their position
or ‘presence’ in life.

At this disappearing times, I start to wonder if I am fooling myself.
If I think I am kinder – or more generous – than I truly might be…
I have done this before – when I was much younger.
I thought I learned this lesson.

Perhaps I am just giving in to paranoia.
Hard to say. Sometimes, just sometimes, the world may well be conspiring against you.

I also understand how massive I seem sometimes.
I still find it hard to accept that SO many people would see this
as unapproachable…Really? I have always flown to those types.
I relish the exchange…

Perhaps I am not as present for other people as I think.

Perhaps they are incapable of being present in return.

Perhaps I am a HUGE jack-ass and no one likes me.

Perhaps I am just having a bad moment.

Either way, I hope it passes…