I know that every fag out there has heard this…
“I’m just want someone else to call first, to make the plans, to decide – anything”
BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Well, babes, I am sick of being the one that calls first,
the one that responds to others like I want to be treated.
The one that is aware of my surroundings.
Jack-wads.
I am done with the stupid fuckers that cannot even participate
in their own fuckin’ entertainment. Christ-fuckin’-almighty!
I know I am not the only one.
I just hope I can persevere to find the rest.
All three of us… I am weary. My road as been long.
I crave the embrace of my brothers
and I don’t know where to find them.
I am so completely disappointed in all but a few people
in my life at the moment. How did I let them so close?
I only blinked for a moment.
Even worse, I am disappointed in myself.
I feel inadequate as a teacher.
I have lately been wondering, “If a set a better example,
would I find more worth-while folks?”
I have felt a great disappointment with David for some time.
Just last week I came to my part of the truth of it all…
We fail as a relationship because he wants nothing
but to be dominated by the man in his dreams.
He projected this man onto my form almost immediately upon seeing me.
Of course, no one can be that man.
No one should even want to try.
Still, I find it difficult to resist the urge to feel like a failure,
simply because he is incapable of seeing that I was offer so much more
than that fictitious man could ever give…
“Teach by example”
It sounds like scripture, should it is in some form.
It is a great lesson, a great statement.
I cannot even remember how and when it come into my consciousness.
Lately, I have not been clear on my success rate.
and the worse I feel, the harder it is to accomplish.
I am not sure how it is possible to like myself and my life
as much as I do and still be so disappointed in how little I have managed to accomplish.
I have grown tired of the paradox…
gryphon's hole 