The Refrigerator Incident of ’05

The world’s most selfish/oblivious partner – part 1
Okay, so here’s the thing…We are both in the kitchen fixing our own respective dinners. Salad for me. I am in the refrigerator getting produce from the produce drawer, a very sensible place to keep produce, I might add.

BAMM BAMM BAMM

He’s pounding the storage drawer of the oven,which won’t open when the door to the frig is wide open, which it needs to be in order to open the produce drawer, which is a sensible place to keep produce!

Now here, one of even modest intellect (and he has two [2!] masters) would easily recognize the sensible and courteous course…

BAMM BAMM BAMM

The door to the frig is about smacking me in the face, while I am grabbing produce for my salad, which is in the bottom produce drawer, which is a sensible place to keep produce!

Now here, common courtesy would dictate that one would wait for the other, who was there first, to finish, it would only take a moment to be out of his way…

BAMM BAMM BAMM

Jes-o-pete already! Finally, the pan is out of the oven drawer. Thank the gods, I can get back to grabbing the elusive cucumber that is hiding out somewhere under the bag of cilantro which is in the bottom produce drawer, which is a sensible place to keep produce!

As least the ordeal has passed and I can dig out some carrots in peace…

BAMM BAMM BAMM

OH FOR FRICKIN’ CRIMINY! Now its the oven door he’s trying to open. Just give me a fuckin’ minute to get my damned carrots out of the damned bottom produce drawer, which is a fuckin’ sensible place to keep produce!

If you are patiently waiting, hoping for an “excuse me” or even an “are you almost finished?” then go and take your next breath…

BAMM BAMM BAMM

“Oh, for Jesus fuckin’ sake!” I finally speak out-loud. “Just let me fucking finish!” Finally! Carrots! So, I slam closed the fucking produce drawer, which is a damned fine place to keep produce!

He did manage a meek “Sorry..” which rather took me by surprise.

This has become my life with the lost, little, selfish boy who just cannot understand why I don’t consider our house to be my home.

Now, the kicker… I am 6 foot 5 inches and 265 pounds, a big ol’ ox with a steel ring though his nose. How the fuck can a guy not notice ME rummaging around in the fucking produce drawer, which just happens to be the best fuckin’ place to keep produce????

ARGH