On the topic of signs, hidden symbolism, fate, destiny or that everything-happens-for-a-reason crap, last year’s experience with chemotherapy helped bring my perceptions of my own life into infinitely sharp detail…
Every event in my life from earth shattering to incidental showed me its impact on who I now am, who I shall be, the road I was on, and all the crap I fell into as I drove off that road and got lost. Every A in school, every coloring book touched, every word written, every glory-hole piece of meat that pokes its head at my tonsils. (please note the mass exodus of Midwest readers after that last phrase…) Each lent itself to make me the spectacular unapologetic creative-ass fag I am. And I cannot regret a single event – to do so would be a regret of who I am. Even the cancer has been a shiny contribution to make me better. Sick as it sounds. I’m a freak that way.
LiveJournal has become part of my singularity of purpose. Years ago, before I moved to Kansas City, I often chatted online with a friend in Chicago. One night, he mentioned this journal he started and gave me the URL. I checked it. Pretty cool. But didn’t think much more of it. Soon, I readied for the move and got lost in crap and forgot all about that conversation. Then came frustration, a job with no growth that inhibited my twisted self, confusion, a floundering relationship (yeah, every ‘mo has one…) cancer and the following chemo. Woulda been great shit for a blog, especially with my weird take on it.
Fast forward to last week. I finally bump into this freak who’d “buddied” my online profile. Frickin’ A! I was staring at a 31 year old version of me through the dialog box. Freaky. Only thing – we both have beards, so I can’t tell which is the evil Kirk… Of course this punk-ass hero has a blog. BAMM. Right back to LiveJournal. Still had the f’ing thing bookmarked. Only took four years for me to get here. Don’t mind it much. I like things better after the trend wears off. I would rather deal with the core die-hard commitment freaks than all those trending clone fags in the A&F shirts in that color with this haircut listening to those pop tunes. Blarg.
So, my purpose statement for the blog… its two-fold. First – having recently discovered how much more productive I am after venting through written word – is to ramble enough here to keep my mind clear of crap so the creative process can flow. Second – having learned of my difficulty to write creatively while producing illustrations – to hopefully write often enough to bring a return of poetry to my fingers (and brain). This might be the odd part. I plan to structure most entries in a poetic style even if it is babbling prose, just to get used to the habit again, and see where it goes.
To anyone who invests his time with reading my entries…I cannot promise it will be great, but I can promise it will be a ride. And it will be filthy as much as anything. Just don’t expect your kind of filthy…
gryphon's hole 